Step this way for the mash-up every fangirl has been waiting for: Mr I’m-afraid-of-bugs vs Mr I’m-afraid-of-pigs-and-rabbits.
Inside a private jet somewhere over the Caribbean…
“Sir, we have a problem.”
“Huh? Problem?” Gu Jun Pyo regards his hapless underling darkly. In his entire existence, the word “problem” has never had any reason to exist. The latter flinches inwardly and takes a step back as he looks around surreptitiously for an escape. Perhaps, if he’s lucky, the heir to the Shinhwa Group will only give him a black eye.
“Er…yes. There’s a man in the fields below.”
“A man?” Jun Pyo’s frown deepens and the underling takes another step backwards. “In the fields?” He frowns as he processes this information. “What is he doing on my island?”
Grimacing, the hapless assistant decides to come clean. “Actually, it isn’t your island. There was a problem with the contract…”
Meanwhile, 35,000 feet below…
Hwang Tae Kyung frowns and looks around cautiously. That sounded like a wounded animal. Manager Ma had assured him that there were no pigs or rabbits on the island but one could never be too sure. Tsk…is it so difficult to get some peace and quiet around here? I— He breaks off in mid-thought as he sees a bunch of men in dark suits waving at him from a distance. Aish. I can’t get away from my fans even when I’m on vacation. But I guess I should be glad they’re so loyal. He waves back magnanimously. Funny that they should dress so formally on an island resort, but he’s seen stranger things. They’re approaching him now, probably to ask for autographs. As they draw nearer, he notices that they are led by a curly haired man in an outfit that can only be described as somewhat gay.
“What are you doing trespassing on private property?”
“Private property? What are you talking about?”
“This island belongs to the Shinhwa Group and is off-limits to outsiders.”
Tae Kyung sneers. “Shinhwa Group? I don’t see your name anywhere around here. And if you really must know, our agency rented this island so we could shoot our latest music video.”
Jun Pyo gives the document that one of his minions hands him a perfunctory glance. “A.N.Jell? Never heard of you. You need to get off my island. Now.”
If looks could kill, they would have reduced each other to road kill by now. So, who will prevail in this monumental clash of egos?
A-ko: Well, this is a no-brainer. Gu Jun Pyo is going to wipe the floor with Hwang Tae Kyung for one very simple reason: Shinhwa Group owns practically everything in Korea. He’ll just have his accountants divvy up some papers and before you know it, A.N.Jell and its management company will be jumping to the tune of T-Max’s “Paradise”.
At any rate, let’s not forget what Jun Pyo can do with his fists. Tae Kyung, on the other hand, is all bark and no bite. Apart from clueless little nuns, is there anyone else who’s intimidated by him?
B-ko: Whoo boy, where to begin? For starters, I’ll concede that this match is a no-brainer, by virtue of the fact that Jun Pyo doesn’t have much of one. Sure, he’s handy with his fists but let’s not forget one important detail: the guys that he’s beaten to a pulp so far are nobodies. Tae Kyung is one of the most wanted men in Seoul. Fan girls and paparazzi follow him around like heat-seeking missiles. Can you imagine the backlash (or to use a more appropriate word, scandal) that’s going to erupt when they see him with so much as a black eye? If Jun Pyo knows what’s good for him, he’ll keep his fists to himself.
Secondly, while it’s true that the Shinhwa Group owns practically the entire country, think about it, what’s Jun Pyo going to do if he really does take over A.N.Jell and its management company? Shut them down? That would make no sense at all since it would be so much more lucrative to make them even bigger and more popular than they are now. So either way, Tae Kyung wins.
A-ko: Oh, B-ko, such a spirited defence, too bad it’s not going to get you anywhere. You forget that there are so many other ways Jun Pyo can make Tae Kyung’s life hell. Like buying up the land on which a certain convent sits, for instance. And true, while Tae Kyung may be hot property right now, popularity is a fleeting commodity in the fickle world of K-pop. There’s always a bunch of younger and cuter noona killers waiting in the wings for their chance to usurp his place—guess who has the dough to propel them to overnight fame?
Speaking of fans, even Tae Kyung is prescient enough to know that they are an easily swayed lot. Being the shrewd businessman that he is, Jun Pyo will bribe Yi Jung with a 7,000 year-old vase and get him to break out his saxophone and serenade A.N.Jell’s fans. If episodes 4 and 9 of Boys Before Flowers are anything to go by, no one, not even grimy club owners, is immune to the mad power that So Yi Jung wields when he’s channelling Kenny G. And why stop at one eligible, good-looking chaebol? Imagine the havoc that will ensue when Yoon Ji Hoo joins in with his violin and Woo Bin starts rapping. As Henry Kissinger once said, “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.” Give them one minute, and A.N.Jell’s fans will all be going: “Hwang Tae Kyung…who?”
B-ko: There you go again, resorting to brute force as usual. Tae Kyung isn’t your average pop idol with dandruff for brains. He knows a hostile corporate takeover when he sees one and you can bet he’s going to make sure everyone knows about it. So while Jun Pyo uses all the power and resources at his disposal, Tae Kyung will simply launch an online counter offensive and expose the Shinhwa Group for the big bad bullies that they are. Everyone loves an underdog and Jun Pyo’s minions will be scrambling to contain the backlash faster than you can say “damage control”. Hwang Tae Kyung for the win. QED.
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